Tribute to Gary Dench, 1969 - 2020

Gary Stephen Dench
1969 - 2020
 
 
Gary Stephen Dench was born on Saturday 25th January 1969 to parents Kate and John Dench.  Born a month early we always joked that he’d had enough of spending so much time in close proximity to me, his twin brother.  We had quite an exciting journey into the world as mum was blue lighted to the hospital in an ambulance at 5:00pm on the day our parents moved house.    Gary made an appearance at 7:55pm that night, and me, not wanting to be left alone followed close behind some 10 minutes later.
 
By all accounts, although we were twins we had very different personalities even as babies.  I was described as the happy one which I think just meant I slept a lot, whilst Gary was the more vocal one which is the polite way of saying he cried a lot.  One thing is for sure, we were very happy in our own little twin world.
 
Early life was spent in that new home at Cavendish Crescent, Annesley Woodhouse, a village about 10 miles north of Nottingham.  We had a very happy childhood on the Crescent where, as was the norm in the early 70s we were often out from dusk til dawn getting up to mischief. 
 
At the age of 7 the family moved to Worksop, a town right on the edge of North Nottinghamshire, which has more of an affinity with the much closer city of Sheffield.  Our parents had in recent years become really interested in antiques and the move to Worksop had been not only a change in location, but a change in professions for our parents as Worksop Antiques was born. 
 
We all lived in a flat above the shop and as such the antiques trade seemed to envelop all our lives.  Gary and I spent many an hour polishing brass and copper, moving furniture and helping out at antique’s fairs for extra pocket money.  The success of the business meant it wasn’t long before the family had purchased the shop and flat, which had previously been rented.  In many ways this new life opened our young minds to what seemed like a much bigger and interesting world, and the people we met in those early days had such a positive impact on our early development.  People like David and Sarah Pullen, who lived in what seemed like a massive Manor House in Cotesbach, nr Lutterworth where we spent many happy hours.  Gary stayed friends with David and Sarah through all his adult life, and I know they were a great support to Mum and Sarah in recent tough years.
 
I’d like to think we were bright kids, as were many of our friends, two of whom are here today – David Clemmit and John Waterhouse.  Unlike now, where everyone seems to go on to University, the 80s were a time when only a chosen few were encouraged to go into 6th form and beyond.   Those all-important final years at school happened to coincide with the 1984/85 miner’s strike, and we regularly ran the gauntlet of police check points as our bus journey to and from school took us between our striking hometown of Worksop and working school town of Mansfield.  It certainly was an interesting time to be growing up.
 
Our parents separated around this time, and life became pretty chaotic for us twins, who in all honesty weren’t getting on particularly well.  We’d grown into very different young men, Gary was more thoughtful, considerate and all round gentler human being than me his younger twin.  The loud one had become quieter and the sleepy one had woken up in a rage.   The one thing we did have in common, and which remained with us all through our adult lives, was a rather difficult relationship with our father, that was a bond which brought us together through our 30s and 40s.
 
Although both Gary and I had worked for our Dad in his growing antiques business at times, and for a brief period we even worked together on French Polishing jobs at Dad’s new business in Newark we were both looking for an out from what was no longer a family business.  Our mum and new step father, Graham had moved to North London and Gary had asked them to keep an eye out for any jobs in the Evening Standard.   A little add for a trainee guilder was spotted by Graham and forwarded to Gary, and the rest as they say is history.
 
All of you will know of Gary’s job as a Master Carver, but calling it a job does his skills a disservice really.  His job became his passion, and that passion and drive for perfection is what transformed Gary into the brilliant person he became.  This love for his job goes beyond the act of picking up chisels and working with wood though, it impacted on his whole life, on where he lived, on his other interests – running which we’ll come back to, and all the amazing people he met whilst living in Central London. 
 
Ray Dudman is here today and the family are so glad to see him here. Ray has known Gary from his very first day of work in June 1989 at W. Thomas Restorations of Maida Vale, London.  Ray wrote a lovely tribute to Gary on the Master Carvers Association web site, and I hope he doesn’t mind me sharing a few of his comments here today.
 
At W Thomas Restorations, Gary was employed as an apprentice gilder and spent four years learning to conserve and restore gessowork and gilding.
 
In 1993 Gary decided his next stage of his development would be to attend the City and Guilds of London Art School attending the Historic Woodcarving course. During the final year of his studies he was chosen as the carver to produce a Coat of Arms for the Fishmongers Hall.
 
After three years at art school he spent a short spell at the workshop of Paul Ferguson (MBE), where he worked on carvings that were damaged in the fire at Windsor Castle.
 
Gary re-joined W.Thomas Restorations as a woodcarver in September 1996 and worked on many more of the fine woodcarvings from Windsor. His strengths lay in his determination, preciseness and patience to copy styles perfectly and was always chosen to carve the pieces with the finest detail.
 
Gary always retained the antique dealer instincts of his father, buying objects for restoration and re-sale. In March 2006 he decided it was time to move on and set up his own business buying, restoring and selling antiques and taking on carving and gilding restoration projects from his own clients. After five years in business on his own he applied in 2011 and was accepted as a member of the Master Carvers Association.
 
He is fondly remembered and will be missed.
 
It was in the early days at W. Thomas Restorations that Gary met and had a brief relationship with Annick Channon, and on 1st October 1991 Gabriel, Gary’s son was born.  Gabby is here today, and has always been big a part of our family and our mum thinks the absolute world of him. 
 
Whilst at Art School Gary met Chloe Diamantis who introduced Gary to an even wider circle of friends.  I know Gary really enjoyed this period of his life in the ground floor flat he and Chloe had purchased on Richford Street, in Hammersmith.  James Burnett-Stuart was one of those friends who remained a loyal friend with Gary until the end.
 
Gary loved his time in London and threw himself into a busy social life as well as his work.  A big part of his spare time was taken up with running, and this became as important to him as his work.  He became a member of the Serpentine Running Club and wore the red vest with yellow bands with pride.
 
Gary first met Sarah through the Serpentine Running Club over 15 years ago.  Like many sporting clubs it sounds like the social element was as important as the training and racing, and Wednesday social runs from Marble Arch and the Saturday cross country competitions invariably finished at drinking establishments such as the Larrick Arms, not far from Hyde Park for food, drink and to chat, especially with Sarah!
 
Gary competed in 9 marathons including 5 London Marathons where he clocked a fastest time of 2:52 for the 26 miles.  Serpie weekends away were highlights for both Gary and Sarah, and trips to numerous relay events such as the Welsh Castles always lit up Gary’s face when he spoke about them.  The personal achievement of racing performance combined with the camaraderie of supporting your team mates is very special.  As someone who has experienced similar sporting events within a club environment, I can tell you they are some of the best times in my life, and I know that was the case for Gary too.
 
As always Gary made a strong impression and this tribute from Serpentine web site pays tribute to this:
 
Those of you who have been Serpies since 2000 may well remember Gary Dench and his partner Sarah Edmunds who were very active and popular club members for more than 10 year, particularly involved with our handicap and cross country competitions, before work took them away from London.  Gary and Sarah were lovely people and I have fond memories of them at our cross country events and, of course, the pub afterwards.
 
When Gary set up his own business in 2006, he lived a quite transient lifestyle for a few years spending time in Newark, his recently purchased house in Dorchester, and also with his close friends Claire and Robert in Salisbury, where he set up a workspace.  Gary had worked with Claire at Thomas’s.
 
Gary also continued to spend periods of time living with Sarah and working in London, and London always seemed to feel like the place Gary belonged – or where he fitted best. Gary got plantar fasciitis during this time which meant he couldn’t run to the same level he had done. He found that really hard – work took on even greater importance as a result.
 
In 2013 Gary and Sarah decided to move to Chichester as Sarah had accepted a position as a lecturer at the University of Chichester. In 2014 they bought a lovely house together close to the town centre at Canal Place.  Gary threw his energy into setting up a workshop at home, and as you would imagine it was a space which reflected his meticulous nature.   Gary’s business thrived in this new environment and both Gary and Sarah were so very happy together.  We twins didn’t see much of each other around this time as we were 250 miles separated Sheffield and Chichester, but when I did see him I was struck by how happy he seemed down on the South Coast.
 
In March 2016 Sophia was born and that was a wonderful, joyful time for Gary and Sarah. He was excited to be a father again and very proud of his daughter.  Sarah has lovely memories of Gary playing with her, making her laugh, and also the way he would proudly introduce her and talk about her to friends.  It’s so very sad that Sophia will miss out on knowing her daddy.
 
When Gary moved to Chichester he treated himself to two classic trials bikes, a sport he’d done when he was younger.  Of course he restored them to pristine condition and had started riding again.
 
As kid’s we’d grown up around motor bikes from an early age.  Our parents were proper leather clad rockers in the 60s and our first few days of life were at the Isle of Man TT races, sorry for revealing that mum!  We had a shared trial bike at about 12 years old, which of course caused arguments as we timed our goes on it.  Gary continued to ride when I lost interest, and started to compete in trials bike competitions both locally and around the country. 
 
I know John was a big friend of Gary’s around this time, and this short message John sent me after Gary’s passing speaks volumes for the person Gary was and remained throughout his life, “he most likely saved my life when he helped me leave home, via a trials bike. I'll owe him for that forever. He was a probably my first true friend. An amazing guy who I'll sorely miss”.
 
Oh, and one more thing Gary loved was Manchester United. He and David were both season ticket holders back in the late 80s early 90s.  Even through his illness when Gary was struggling, he always tried to follow the Reds results.
 
You all know Gary suffered for the best part of 4 years with the cancer and then his subsequent mental health issues as a result of his diagnosis.  We’ve had that horrible disease in our lives far too much over the years, and I think each episode hit Gary really hard.  We spent our 48th birthdays together and I remember him saying he felt tired, run down and his neck glands were up.  Looking back now, that birthday weekend was the last ‘normal’ time we spent together.
 
Early in March 2017, Gary received the news which floored him, he had Non Hodgkins Lymphoma.  For whatever reason Gary just could not accept he had this thing in side him which he had no control over.  It played on his mind night and day, and in the end his mind broke.  It was heart breaking for us all to see the vitality, spirit, love, laughter, fun, and fitness seep away with only fleeting glimpses returning of the Gary we all knew.  As a family we mourn now for our loss, but the truth is we’ve been mourning for the loss of Gary we all knew for nearly 4 years now.
 
The one thing this has taught me is to never underestimate the fragility of the human mind.  This was not meant to happen to Gary.  Gary was strong, fit, healthy, and successful and had everything to live for and fight for, but something inside his head switched off the day he heard that horrible C word.  All our lives have been enriched by having Gary in it and we will mourn his loss for many years to come.   Kate, our mum has lost a son, Gabby and Sophia a father, Sarah her partner, and me a twin, I’ve lost part of me.